Admiration
by Rawritz
Summary: AU. Amu Hinamori has fallen deeply for one boy. Her words of love, written with passion, are exposed from her diary.
1. Chapter 1

_**Admiration**_

_A diary, carefully placed on a desk, sat open for the world to read. Such a careless owner must have left it. On lined paper, words of detailed emotion remained handwritten._

**Entry I**

Breathing gets hard. I am recovering, but it is troublesome. Sometimes I wish I could be normal, go up to him, and say, "Hi, how are you?", but that is not my personality. I am an observant person, with pros and cons. My voice is reserved, and I can be mistaken as a quiet one.

I'm not shy. If I know that someone wants to talk, I am happy to reply with passion. I will open up with courtesy. But my issue if that I'm afraid they don't wish to talk. I'm scared of how to deal with rejection. Embarrassment can make me look silly. Because of this, I can hold myself back from meeting someone who is sweet at the heart.

I would not change it. It makes me who I am. I wouldn't have known how much of a great person he is. I wouldn't have fallen for him to this extent.

He is so kind. He is friendly to many people. He took the initiative to say hello to me. At the time, I appreciated it with a smile. If it occurred now, I would have melted in my shoes.

I notice how he acts with his little sister. Stereotypically, siblings have rough relationships. As far as I'm aware, they are close. I can assume that they have silly arguments from time to time, but without a doubt they must truly care for one another. I find it sweet whenever he tightens her belt. She stands, with an impatient expression, as he ties her belt.

He is considerate. It motivates me to do the same. I want to be worthy, for his eyes, and for myself.

I admire him. He stands at the front in martial arts. He is fit, and hard working. I like to learn from his movements when we practice. As much as I prevent myself, my eyes often rest on him. I secretly wish that my instructor will partner him up with my group, but I understand whenever his expertise is needed for a higher demand.

Sometimes my friend and I notice that he looks at me. I find it hard to believe and always end up questioning myself. What if he's just glancing in my direction? What if he saw me because I had my eyes on him? What if? What if.

I need to stop second guessing, but it is not easy. I'm afraid of disappointment. He is two years older, and three grades higher. He has a lot of friends, and perhaps love interests. He wouldn't even know me.

We have things in common. He also plays the guitar, and also likes to sing. We would get along, if he knew me.

Oh man. I realise it. I am the observer. He is my ambition. I am starstruck _because_ I have noticed him. What in the world are the chances that he has as much curiosity in me that I have in him?

I have a solution. He just has to know me, and because of that, I wish to be his friend. I want to be able to greet him whenever we cross paths, to joke around with each other, and have meaningful conversations. It doesn't even matter if he doesn't return the same interest as I have. I would feel satisfied enough to converse with an important person to me.

Perhaps it would be easier for me to get over him if I uncovered all his mysterious attributes. But maybe, just maybe, he could notice all the things I admire about him, in me. The chances are obscure. I can only pray. But for now, I will wait for the perfect moment to acquaint with him.

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	2. Chapter 2

_**Admiration**_

**Entry II**

You probably don't know me.  
Let me rephrase that.  
The most that you would think of me is that girl in your karate class. That girl who would meet eyes with you. Who you listened to the voice of for the very first time when she spoke up in front of the whole school, proclaiming her testimony. The girl that you don't know a lot about, but probably wouldn't care to find out.

Sad to say, I know a lot about you, and I love a lot about you.

I love the fact that you're so beautiful in many things that you do.

I love your attitude. Your kindness stands out. You're sensible.

I love the fact that you're older than me. You have a sense of mystery that I want to uncover. You're not loud-mouthed or foul.

I love how many talents you have. I was amazed at the fact that you could perform, because I love to do the same.

I love the relationship you have with your sister. It's so pure and caring. I can't help but smile when you connect with her deeply with your interactions, and I would envy the hugs you would share.

I love the way that you handle things. You have no visible problem with making funny comments. You're good at explaining and getting along with people. It's something that I can't do so well.

You have the nicest friends. I know them. I've seen them participate with school and church events. They're good people. It tells me a lot, because you are influenced by the people you spend time with.

I love the way you look. It's funny because you aren't even the sexiest man alive, but the sight of you turns my heart to jelly. You're attractive. I can only think of how hot, or how cute you are.

Your hair looks effortlessly handsome. Your eyes are filled with unknown mysteries. Your body is lean, yet toned.

One time I accidentally walked past when you were dressing for class, and I caught a glimpse of your bare chest and abs.  
It took all of my effort not to squeal.

I love how confident you seem. You looked at me straight in the eyes and acomplished what I had spent months dreaming about. I hope that I can talk to you once again.

You told me how great I was at speaking in front of the school as an example while we trained. I was so thankful for how kind and caring you are, especially when you helped me do a move, and you touched my shoulder gently. I admire how friendly you are to my friend and I.

I love how you came up to me after class was over, and how you told me that I did well at speaking up front once again, and how you were shocked because you didn't expect how confident I was. You probably thought that I was a quiet, shy girl, which I am, but only around you.

I tried to say something back, but one of your friends started talking to you. I thought you were extremely nice when you brought your attention back to me when I was about to awkwardly waddle away. I asked a question of which I knew the answer, and you answered with interest.

It was time to go, and your friend stole you away when I grabbed my bags, so I headed outside.

I sat down, waiting for my parents to pick me up. Not too long after, you came outside too, and waited for a brief moment before you took your leave.

I love how you said goodbye to the only people left waiting, me and a young boy who also learnt martial arts. You said, "Bye guys. Cya," and addressed the young boy.

I called out, "Bye!"

You tilted your head to me, and gave me a smirk that sent thousands of butterflies through my heart.

I love how much of a great person you are.

Do you see the great in the person that I am?

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End file.
